Why Difficult Conversations Leave Us Wishing for a Do-Over
The amount of times I’ve wished I could step back into a difficult conversation and run the script again…
The things I would’ve said
The things I would’ve left unsaid
The way I would have calmly, logically taken control of the conversation and completely changed the outcome…
If only I could go back in time…
Since time travel is still off the table, I’m left with the next best thing.
The Role of Emotions in Difficult Conversations
The hardest bit in a difficult conversation is our emotional response – that chemical avalanche that hijacks our body, our brain, and the conversation itself. It’s what leaves us wishing we could rewind.
Usually that happens when we land in such a conversation, rather than plan for it.
Having a plan is still the best way to approach a difficult conversation, but if we just find ourselves in one, without any warning or preparation, we need a different set of tools.
(One that removes the need for time travel).
4 Practical Steps for Handling Difficult Conversations in the Moment
Here are four simple, practical steps that can completely change the outcome of a tricky conversation – no matter how unprepared you are.
1. Acknowledge what is happening (to yourself):
‘Oh, this isn’t what I expected. I’m feeling a little sweaty. This is me reacting. Ok, ok, I know what I need to do next’.
2. Normalise your emotional reaction
Remember, having an emotional response is 100% human. If you feel ambushed or upset when a conversation takes a turn, remind yourself this is normal.
3. Give yourself a moment by stepping out of the situation for a brief minute. You might say: ‘I really want to talk about this with you. I just need to make a cup of tea first.’ or ‘Before you continue, I have something I need to do. I just need a minute.’ There are SO many ways you can remove yourself out of that avalanche without it being awkward. Practice a couple that feel easy-to-do to you and have one ready for when you feel your emotional reaction taking control.
4. Breathe
Once you’ve stepped away, breathe. That’s it – you don’t need to plan the perfect comeback or gather ammunition. You’re simply riding out the initial emotional wave. Then, when you’re feeling more like yourself, step back in.
Changing the Outcome Without Rewinding the Script
That’s how you change the conversations in real time – no need for rewinding.
I’m not going to tell you what to say next and how to handle the conversation once you return. You will know that much better yourself without the emotional hijack running the script. I trust that 100%.
Try it and let me know how you go.
Juliet Robinson
Leadership and Change Specialist
While we’re on the topic of difficult conversations, there are two things you need:
- Create a plan. Even if you get caught off-guard, practicing planning for difficult conversations will make you steadier in the moment.
- Build your emotional toolkit. Book a one-on-one session with me to work through how to manage your emotions, stay grounded, and lead the conversation with confidence.
